ASD – Autism Spectrum Disorder this is what is an official term used for Autism. Autism is neurological developmental disorder. It affects communication, social interaction, cognition, and behavior. The word spectrum is used here because it displays wide variety of symptoms. It’s not necessary that two kids diagnosed with ASD can show similar symptoms, will get relief from particular tricks which have worked with other kid having ASD. With every kid on ASD you might see different set of symptoms, different set of sensory needs, and different set of dysfunctions.
However, by interacting many of the mothers throughout year during the sessions I conducted for children, I learned new meaning of Autism from the Mother’s perspectives, or you can say I explored one of the shades of spectrum.
For a Mother of child with ASD, autism is all about
Getting tagged as special mom of special kid, and getting unlimited amount of advises which you never asked for! By family members and others too…
Getting up every morning wondering what this day has for me… will it be a normal day with regular routine or the sensory needs my kid has been displaying … or I will learn something new about his sensory needs.
How other family members are going to react if child display something new out of behavior.
Following all the autism related endless therapy classes without break and without assurance of 100% recovery.
Being consistent in efforts with a hope that one day my child will be like any normal child.
Giving up on career and personal hobbies for sake of child.
Compromised personal life with partner.
Struggling hard for getting ‘ME TIME’ free from kids and household responsibilities.
And many more which can’t be listed in small article… so in overall autism is never ending marathon in which parents are supposed to get up every morning with mindset to be prepared for the challenges they might face anytime in terms of tantrums, breakouts, sensory overload, and many more. As we all know there is no single one stop solution for getting a life smoother on autism. Multiple therapies along with multiple approaches with consistency going to help child to get on track. So in order to get all the required therapies which might help their child, parents sometimes ignore themselves up to the extent that they put themselves at risk of having emotional health issues like anxiety, depression etc. Their day starts with the counting of classes they have to take their child, and ends with the thought of things child done in those classes. If autism is never ending marathon yes they are running it but tend to forget about the importance of maintaining themselves to keep up the energy which they would need for long run!
So here are the top tips can be followed to find a little bit of “LOST ME” while being parents of child on ASD:
“Well begun is half done”
As said by Aristotle is absolute truth even in routine life. So why not starting a day with most important priority of your life… That is YOU… So instead of thinking about the number of classes you have to take your child and other mundane issue which might lower your morning energy levels, try starting day by getting some fresh air or sunshine with something which makes you feel relaxed and happy. Meditation or exercises can be a great option to start a day. Many of you might think that, do we really get that time for such activities? But again coming back to the point that first priority of your life is YOU. You can take care of your child only if you are fit mentally as well as physically! Meditation doesn’t mean that you have to go to some fancy life skill courses or devoting your precious hours by sitting in once place doing nothing … it just mean to feel the silence and being aware of self! (link to meditation while managing autism) If still sounds heavy to you, you can simply begin by sitting for 5 mins in silent space and trying to feel things around you… like feeling breeze of air on your skin, hearing sound of birds in morning etc. pretty much like getting into sensory integration!
Give up on Three Cs:
Stop complaining, criticizing, and comparing. You believe it or not but these are the major contributory factors for your stress throughout day. You cannot change the fact that you have child who is diagnosed with ASD. And it’s also a fact that every child on ASD shows different symptoms with variety of sensory needs. So instead of complaining about it, start appreciating about his positive behaviors. Celebrate every positive change you bring in him. It is not necessary that what worked with the other kid going to work with your kid too. So instead of comparing your child with others, learn to focus on your child, it will help you to learn his uniqueness and his sensory needs.
Advance Planning:
Be it regular life or the life with autism advance planning always helps in living smooth life. Advance planning of the day not only helps in getting clear mental picture of the activities you want to do in a day but it also helps managing time effectively. Writing down TO DO list can be the easiest way to plan a day with your kid. Also writing down the estimated time to be taken for the activities you are planning with kid can give you clearer picture of the free time which can be used for your own priorities. Writing down a list should be done previous night before going to bed so that your precious morning time and energy wont used in trying to figure out what you want to do whole day and also it might lead to rush again.
Ask for the help:
No matter how much you are tempted to do everything by yourself accept the fact that you are human being not a robot! Your child don’t need a perfect mother, all he needs is happy environment with happy mom! Trying all the things to do by yourself can only absorb all your energy and leave you exhausted by the time you reach to the next item on your to do list, especially if it’s something which is new to you and not your area of specialty. So while preparing to do list try to find items which can be delegated to other family members or friends or anyone who are into your close circle, and you think will be happy to help you. It will help you to save your time and energy which you can use for your own work.
Allow yourself to make mistakes
In order to do everything perfect for your child you constantly put yourself under the pressure never to fail. Give yourself some break! Make mistakes so you can learn and grow from them. Accept your situation gracefully. You’re constantly changing and improving from who you once were into who you are today and who you will be one day. So, forget about that voice in your head that says you need to be perfect mom. Make mistakes — The lessons you’ll gain will be priceless.
Surround Yourself With Other Things Too:
Yes you have been reading lot about autism. Its good that you learned about your child’s diagnosis which helped you to understand your child lot! So its time to take a break now! Do you think just reading more and more about autism going to help you in becoming stress free person? Instead try reading something related to your interest now which will make you feel happy or something about self development. If you are wondering where to find a time for reading out of already jam packed day… well technology has been kind enough to invent some apps which can help busy people like us! There are multiple apps available on internet who have unlimited audio books on different genres. So choose your area of interest and listen o book while cooking, commuting to therapy class, or while doing any other household task.
It is not necessary that all above mentioned tips would work for you. There will be days where you might feel like doing nothing and its absolutely ok. Important part is to be positive and ready to start again from next day! Ultimately go with whatever works for you best! Happy Caregiving!
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